American Idol Auditions--Jacksonville

Okay. Yes, I know I am late with the thoughts of Jacksonville's show.

1. I am sorry.

2. Was it really that worthwhile of a show?

3. Did I mention that I was sorry?

My thoughts about the show after the click.



I was lucky enough to be invited to an AI viewing party (which amounted to me and three of my friends from ComedySportz--Troy, Carrie, and Will).

Fun was had by all as we yelled at the contestants, the judges, and each other.

BUT, I know that you aren't reading this to find out about my rockin' social life. You want to know about the show.

(I will interject some comments shared by the people at the party (furthermore called "The Gang") from time to time.

First off, it is obvious that this show is short on content. We are shown more banter in this episode and fluffy nothingness than I have seen lately.

Do I really need to see Simon and Ryan palling around in the back of a limo?

I'll make this short and sweet.

First we are reminded of the greatness of Randy Jackson. Get it? It's Randy Jackson and the show is in Jacksonville tonight. Clever, right?

Tonight is so going to rock!

By the way, a side note here. I am not trying to take away from Randy Jackson's obviously successful career, but I am tired of him always being referred to as the bassist of Journey. Journey has been active from 1973 to 1987 and then from 1995 to the present.

During that time, Randy Jackson was with the band for ONE YEAR (1986-87). He recorded one album with them (Journey's ninth) and went on one tour with them. Every other year of the band's existence, Ross Valory has been the bassist for Journey. I am sure that Ross Valory hates him some Randy Jackson every time Herr Jackson is referred to as THE bassist of Journey. And the one album that Randy played with Journey was not the best one either (Raised on Radio). It was no Escape that is for sure.

He has tons of credits having played with many top shelf talents. Why do people cling on to Journey? He was also the bassist for the Divinyls. Yes, that Divinyls. Yes, the band that played the song, "I Touch Myself." That is how I will always remember him.

I challenge you not to think about Randy Jackson next time you hear that song. I dare you.

Randy Jackson rant off.

Party Update: Troy (the host) gives me water in a can. It's not a bad thing, but I have never had water in a can. It tastes, strangely enough, just like water. What a sheltered life I lead.

Montage of fans set to "Can't Stop Believing," a Journey song that Randy Jackson didn't play on.

Randy Jackson rant really off this time.

Where in the world is this audition taking place? It looks like a community center in a neighborhood. I wonder what the Homeowners' Association will have to say about this?

Party Update: Carrie thinks that Ryan is "a douche."

Joshua Ollua, Justin Guarini look-alike, is way too corny for me. He has a really good voice, but as he sings, he feels the need to share sound effects that don't seem to add anything to the performance, scratching, trumpets, etc. It was as if he had some form of musical Tourette's. Personality is good, but too much is too much. Simon shares his reservations about his sound effects, but when it comes down to it, all say yes. This guy majorly gets on my nerves.

And it is obvious to me early that if they are taking someone like this, they have very low standards for Jacksonville.

Sharon Wilbur, Shih-Tzu girl, sings one of my favorite songs, Superstar, and sings it like it is an upbeat romp. (By the way, though I love the original Carpenters' version, check out the version by Sonic Youth; it rocks!) She misses it for me. Yes, she can sing, but come on! Doesn't presentation count for anything these days?
And the way she sings "Baby" is all kinds of annoying. The judges unanimously take her.

It is official. Jacksonville will completely suck. I can't wait for this girl to get sent home on day one in Hollywood as she tries to smile her way through American Pie or some other somber tune.

Gnats try to kill Ryan, but they fail. Another reason to hate gnats: can't finish the job they start.

Stupid time wasting of which judge will kiss whom. Boring.

Black hatted, red dressed Dana Moreno "sings" Chaka Khan badly. Maybe this is why the judges took the ones they did. Sigh.

More filler with Ryan getting lost. Yawn.

Confident 16-year-old in the madras dress Kaneswa Finnie sings in front of the judges and does not make it. I do like that the judges pull in the mom to convince her that her daughter cannot sing.

Party Update: Before you make fun of me for knowing that the fabric that Kaneswa wore was madras, blame Troy. he was the fashion expert in that moment.

Latina Miss Candidita Julissa Veloz comes in with her sash, her tiara, and a hip-speaking attitude. When she sings, she flips a swirch and can actually sing. Is she the best, I don't think so, but is she good? Yes. She is the best of the night, but that is not saying a lot. Paula doesn't get to share her opinion, so she thows a mini-faux-fit. This show is all about the fluff tonight. All judges say yes. She could fill a niche in the competition. I think she could make it to the audience vote, but not much further. Bring on some singing.

Party Update: Carrie, after witnessing Paula's pouty-fit, calls Paula "a ho-bag."

Ultra-happy tennis instructor Darren Darnell sees a newly found friend cut and his confidence crumbles. He cries through his hideous audition and then cries through the welcome announcement that he was cut. Get this kid some Xanax and fast.

Tall, overexcited, limber chick Naomi Sykes brings in her friend that is Randy Jackson's biggest fan. Everyone sits on each others lap while Naomi murders Minnie Riperton. (Trivia: Maya Rudolph, former SNL actress, is Minnnie Riperton's daughter.) This whole thing has lost any semblance of professionalism. It should be fun, but it just stikes me as dreadful.

Randy calls this, "Bizarre Season Eight!" I call it, "Boring, Inane Filler That Needs to Stop Now or I Will Throw Something Heavy and Possibly Pain-Inflicting at My Television Set Thus Voiding My Manufacturer's Warranty." You can tell by the look on Naomi's friend's face that this whole thing must be a joke. Stop wasting my time!

Whenever someone leaves the audition room (with or without a golden ticket), it appears that they are leaving the back of someone's abode. This would have been a great location for Girl Scout Troop #342 to hawk their wares.

Nine go through from day 1. Simon chalks up the group as mostly terrible. I must agree.

More Jacksonville filler. Yawn.

16-year-old shy girl with a large family Jasmine Murray sings some Fergie and has a good voice. It's too nasal for my taste, but she seems like she is personable and could make some waves. With the right song selections, she could surprise.

Party Update: Though Will, Troy, and myself thought that she was pretty good, Carrie threw down the gauntlet and declared that this girl will "WIN THE WHOLE THING!" She has picked a winner. Poor, poor delusional Carrie.

We then see an entirely too long segment on awkward physics student George Ramirez. He has a large beard and wants marble floors in eleven years. He is bad.

Anne Marie Boskovich kisses up to Cara, but the judges don't like her image. They give her a chance to come back looking different, but at the same time 'her.' This is just a time-wasting ploy.

T.K. Hash, reject from last year, sings Imagine, and sings well but tries to do too much to it. He has potential and seems likable, but I wasn't blown away. The judges take him though Simon says no. He's better than some of the ones that were unanimous yeses earlier. Oh well. That's Jacksonville for you.

Michael Perrelli guitarist/performer is upset about not being able to play his guitar at the audition. He way too emotional for this gig. He sings some Third Eye Blind and he's okay (clear voice), but he seems to have a voice that NEEDS accompaniment. Unfortunately, he whines and makes excuses when faced with rejection. The more he complains and pleads, the worse the situation gets. He is rejected by all. When his mother tries to console him, he pushes her away. Ryan actually rebukes him, telling him he can't treat his mother that way.

Party Update: This gains Ryan points with the previously Ryan-hating Carrie. He is no longer "a douche" in her eyes. He apparently just has "douche-like tendencies."

Anne Marie Boskovich comes back looking much like she did before but with more make-up. She sings "Bubbly," and does so effortlessly. She seems to be a natural. She is my favorite of the night, and I think that AI wants her to be big.

Only sixteen made it through from Jacksonville, and I wasn't impressed by most of them.

Miss Latina and Makeover Girl are the only ones that I think may stand a chance.

Party Update: These were the post-show thoughts.
Troy--"Not enough." (Yes, those were his complete thoughts.)
Carrie--"Meh! Not impressed!" (beat) "Except for the girl I think is going to win."
Will--"I've seen stronger episodes. No winner from here."

Your thoughts?