American Idol Auditions--Phoenix

So, here we go with surely must be the sixtieth season of American Idol.

Or does it just feel that way?

No mater what Sanjayas or Bucky Covingtons they throw at me, I just keep coming back like a junkie looking for his fix.



This season seems like they are saying things are going to be different, but in reality, it seems like they are just reverting things back to the way it used to be. So, going along with the theme of change, I am going to change up my recaps.

Instead of recapping every last moment of every show, I am going to watch the show and NOT TYPE until something grabs my attention. It may end up being stream of consciousness drivel that may make no sense to anyone at all, but that is the approach I am going to try.

If there is nothing of note in the show, this could be the shortest recap ever.

Begin show.

Where do they get off saying this is a two-night season premiere? What kind of marketing mumbo jumbo is this? The first night is the season premiere; the second is the second show of the season. What ev.

Three minute intro full of clips that were hard to watch as I fast forwarded them. I stop just in time to wonder if Ryan was going to fall into the Grand Canyon. Something tells me he will be safe.

Oh, the recapping is STILL not over. Sigh.

Now, we see clips that we are going to see. Sigh. Just get it started.
They keep teasing us before the commercial to come back to see if Ryan falls into the Grand Canyon and he never does. The disappointments begin early.


Phoenix, Arizona

We meet the new judge: Kara DioGuardi.

Thirteen minutes in before the first singer is introduced.

Nice fro. Not really. Cheesy singer.

Beauty school dropout tattoo girl (Emily Hughes) sings Barracuda. Judges love her. I think she’s good but not as good as the judges think. She seems like she’s screaming the high notes instead of hitting them. They repeat the “Constantine leaving his band” drama from seasons past. She’ll probably make it through Hollywood to the audience vote.

Faux rocker Randy Madden cries and I know immediately he will be bad. Really bad. He’s not as bad as I thought, but he’s obviously not good enough.

High schooler J.B. Ahfua has really bad eyebrows. Really bad. He has Hitler stash brows. Nice voice, but he bores me and creeps me out at the same time. He’ll be out early in Hollywood.

Scared Michael Gurr is obviously pretending to get airtime, singing in a weird affected manner. It worked. They showed him.

Montage of bad singers who are desperate for exposure.

X-Ray is all enthusiasm and little else. I want what he’s having.

Ariana (pay it forward girl) Afsar has a beautiful voice! Her right lip kind of snarls when she sings, but I love her tone. Young, but a keeper. Send her to the Top 36!

Bass singer sings badly.

16-year-old pink cowgirl (Lea Marie Golde) is a Kara DioGuardi fan? I’ve never heard of her, and now everyone on this show is pulling an Eddie Haskell by praising her. Weird nasal tone to her voice but a decent shower singer. She should stay there, shrively prune fingers and all. Judges send her home.

Stevie Wright sings some Etta James. I liked her voice a lot, but I don’t know how flexible she’ll be with different styles. Very likeable. She’s one to watch.

Paula compares Stevie to Kelly Clarkson. Do we have our first chosen one (the one that AI tries to push down our collective throats)? It’s a good thing I like her.

Michael the oil rigger has a strong voice and a friendly aw shucks demeanor. Not my fave, but good.

Bathing suit girl Katrina says that she will make out with Ryan. Ryan turns her down for “professional” reasons. Yeah, right, Ryan. Wink wink. Another shower singer with weak control. Kara puts her down and bathing suit girl fights back. Sigh. When will these contestants learn? She’ll be out early in Hollywood.

Later, she kisses Ryan and, he looks SO uncomfortable. Ahem.

Sexual Chacalate sings some Stevie, and he reminds me how great Stevie’s voice is. Sexual is not good.

Rejection montage.

Energetic Brianna Quijada has a good personality with an OK voice and a weak lower register. The judges are split, but she’s through. I think she’ll be an early casualty in Hollywood.

Deanna Brown adopts a family and sings “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay.” She’s closer to Michael Bolton than to Otis Redding, and I don’t mean that as a compliment. Judges like her, but I’m iffy.

Horror movie fan Cody sings James Morrison’s “Wonderful World,” and I like it. He reminds me a bit of last year’s Danny, but he sings effortlessly. Not my favorite, but good nonetheless.

Geek Alex Wagner-Trugman missed a Spanish test for this. I like his dry sense of humor. When he sings, his eyebrows do a weird up-and-down thing. BUT if you close your eyes (trust me; I did), he sounds REALLY good. I can see them pulling a Clay and metamorphosing him into something more marketable to the public. And

Alex gives my favorite line of the night. When Randy mentions Joe Cocker, Simon followed by mentioning a Cocker Spaniel to which Alex replies in his mumbling manner: “That would be a good joke if it made sense.” This guy cracks me up. Am I alone here? Will he make it far? No, but I’ll enjoy him while he stays.

“Wanted Dead or Alive” medley. Pass. Reality check. Remember: all of these singers singing the same song are singing for the producers NOT the judges. The footage of the judges reacting is spliced in.

Scott Macintyre, seeing-impaired singer-songwriter, sings Billy Joel. Nice voice. Not necessarily the best song to show off his voice, but it was well done in a restrained, controlled way. Four yeses and he’s through. Barring a breakdown in Hollywood, I would be dumbstruck if they don’t let him get to the Top 36.

Final Scorecard: 27 golden tickets given out in Phoenix.

My faves of the night:
Ariana Asfar
Stevie Wright
Scott Macintyre
Alex Wagner-Trugman (sue me)

Horror movie Cody is just on the outside, but I think the rest that were taken will be early exits in La-La land.

Bingham out.